Feeling Down

I'm feeling down, depressed and ready to sneak myself into a dark hole and not come out for a few days, weeks, or months. This is how I woke up, looked out the window and saw the grey in the sky. It's been perfect the past few weeks, and now it's dull, raining, and grey. Luckily I am stuck inside today, but unfortunately most of my TEFL lessons have been cancelled. Not good at all because my income at the end of the month will be lower. But the good side is that I get more time to write and work on my novel. I should be happy about that.

The problem is I miss Australia. I could say home, but home is where I am at a given moment. Lately I've been thinking more and more about the people and places I've left behind. Wondering, and asking myself why I chose to come to Europe? Why I chose to leave an awesome job? An flat near the beach? Why am I here and will it all be worth it?
I don't have regrets but days I wonder, what if? What if I stayed? How would my life look like? Where would I be if I had made different choices?

My life in Poland is good. It's mostly comfortable even though I don't have my own room or private space, but I do what I want, never stuck in one place during the day, always moving around. There's enough money for bills and simple pleasures and I've had more time to write. No reason for me to feel down at all.

I suppose with the lack of optimism in Poland, it should be no surprise that I feel this way. However I have always tried to keep a smile on my face, sometimes because that's how I feel, and sometimes to get on the nerves of people who refuse to smile and enjoy life for what it is.
Today, it is difficult to even force a smile and I can't wait till the feeling passes. Right now I am going to blame the Polish weather and lack of sunlight coming through the window.

Blame, complaints, pessimism. That pretty much covers this place. Around every corner you will find someone with a pessimistic outlook on life, complaining about everything and blaming someone else for their problems. Ok I know I'm generalising but that's just what I've seen over the past two years. Or maybe I'm spending way too much time with the older generation. Time to get out a little bit more.